The Shift

I was depressed on Monday. Maybe depressed is too harsh a word. It is, actually, vastly over-utilized, and inappropriately so, so I will rephrase that and say “I was really SAD on Monday.” Could it have been something I saw on Facebook? Could it have been the clips from the Tony Awards I had to watch on Youtube because I was stuck at work and missed them the night before? Could it have been the clips, themselves, that left me feeling so inspired, yet disappointingly unaccomplished? Or could it have been the feeling that I was doing EXACTLY what I had done before The Quest began?

It’s fascinating how being back in a familiar setting can bring back some very familiar, yet unfortunate, behaviors. I felt unloved, uninspired, bored, BORING and like an overall waste of time, energy, and space. I understand that humans are to experience all emotions in order to reach a sense of balance. It makes sense that in order to feel the heights of the highs, one must feel some lows. Knowing this I allowed myself to spend another self-deprecating hour in front of Facebook and Youtube, I allowed myself the ENTIRE self-destructive 14” pepperoni pizza WITH the side of mozzarella sticks, and I allowed myself the 3 final episodes of Hemlock Grove. But before I started on the hungry path I had set out for myself, I decided that if there was “ONE thing to do on a day like today, it was to, at least, write about what I was feeling.” I pulled out my journal, realizing it had been a few days since I’d last touched it (another potential reason for feeling blue???), and I wrote!

I bitched and moaned and flitted from topic to sensation to “And another thing…” to “I’m sorry…I was distracted…God, I can’t focus.” I let that book of pages know EXACTLY what I felt and why, in a series of misspelled words and incomplete vs run-on sentences. Uninhibited, I let it all out and was blown away by how little time it took to release the steam, and return to neutral.

I realized that Energy Recycling is a skill that is to be fine tuned, and well rehearsed in order to be effective! Because you’ve discovered it does not mean you’ve mastered it. It is something that I have been doing for years and I continue to surprise myself with my ability to shift my mood (because the choice IS ultimately ours), and in less time than it took before. I proceeded to eat my pizza and waste away in front of Netflix, but to feel that I was doing it because I WANTED to, excuse and reason free, made it feel like a true day off as oppose to a waste of time. I was taking time for myself (positive) as oppose to wallowing in self-pity (negative). It doesn’t matter what we do (Or what we eat…), what matters is WHY we do it…our Intentions!

“Knowledge and intention are forces. What you intend changes the field in your favor”

-Deepak Chopra

Moral of the story:

A) We are in control of our emotions! Yes, it is wise to feel as many feelings as we can, and genuinely, in order to better understand ourselves, and our society. However, to be stuck in an emotion is to give up your power…to give up your self-control, and your self-love.

“If you don’t like your fate then change it, you are no slave, there are no shackles on you!” 

-Aida

B) Self expression is as imperative as action. If we keep our thoughts and feelings in our minds they start to cycle…to circle and spin off-track into insanity, leaving us paralyzed and stuck in a, normally, poor mental state. Take control, and take care of yourselves! Write, paint, dance, sing, scream, scribble, knit…whatever it may be, whatever form of self expression you may find, find it! Keep it, utilize it, and love it! Let it help you find your way back to center!      

~S